Children Are Assets

The demographic collapse and the birth dearth are finally getting serious attention in the media. While there are many factors involved, one thing we repeatedly hear is the explanation in favor of smaller families that kids are just too expensive. Big families, which most no longer see as normal, are an economic impossibility. For example, in an NPR report, “Nick, an Episcopal priest, agreed that big families make less sense in today’s economy,” explaining that: “It really stacks the chips economically against you.” This modern view is shortsighted and starts from a premise that only sees children as taking from you. We need to help our children understand that they add value to our lives, to our world, and to each other.

While driving the oldest three of my seven kids to a Church youth group event, I deferred their request to play some music and subjected them to a short lecture. I had planned a discussion to emphasize how valuable they were to me and to each other, by any measure. I began by asking if they knew the difference between an asset and a liability. The oldest, who had read Rich Dad Poor Dad, explained that a liability is something that costs you money and an asset is something that generates money. This set me up to explain that most people today view children as liabilities—something that just costs the parents money, which is why there is resistance to having more. But to me, children are an asset.

An asset should not be thought of exclusively in terms of money. A fruit-bearing apple tree is an asset even if you eat the apples rather than sell them. As a threshold matter, my children produce a lot of joy. A dancing toddler is funny; an older sibling meeting a newborn for the first time is precious. Every parent knows frustrations, but they also know laughs and smiles.

Beyond joy, children (especially older children) are capable of helping out around the house. When discussing the birth dearth, we often hear that children are a net negative outside of farm life. But even suburban dads have to mow lawns—or shovel snow, if you live in the tougher climates. Kids can and should help with these tasks.

This probably has more to do with family culture than agriculture. If you expect children to work and contribute to the household—because that is what humans are supposed to do and this is how anyone learns to be a functioning adult—they can do so even if you do not have a cow to milk. Conversely, if you see kids exclusively as consumers to be catered to, owning a tractor will not make kids helpers.

My wife and I insist that all of our (school age) children help out around the house because this is what their future holds. My 8-year-old son can load and run a washing machine not because I’m too lazy to do so but because we are raising children who will be functioning adults. We are raising citizens capable of leading families of their own and being competent in society in ways that coddled young adults are incapable of. Children become assets to a family naturally when they are encouraged to develop the skills that are useful in adulthood.

Whether it’s changing a diaper, leading siblings in praying the Rosary, cooking, or mowing the lawn, these are tasks that train the child to be a functioning adult while contributing to the household. As they develop practical skills, they can help each other, including as adults. I certainly hope they will help me later in life.

I indulged a random solicitation over LinkedIn once to talk to a financial planner about long-term care insurance. I knew absolutely nothing about the topic, and I thought even hearing a pitch might make me a little more educated. He started with his canned spiel that asked if I expected my kids to take care of me when I was older. I stopped him at this probably rhetorical question. I have a lot of kids; at least some of them will probably like me when I’m old. That’s an actual long-term care plan that’s more reliable than trusting in some insurance company.

The Bible certainly views children as a blessing:

Sons are indeed a heritage from the Lord,
the fruit of the womb a reward.
Like arrows in the hand of a warrior
are the sons of one’s youth.
Happy is the man who has
his quiver full of them.
He shall not be put to shame
when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.             
(Psalm 127:3-5, NRSVCE)

When I read this verse, I picture an aging but not necessarily old man arguing with a group of degenerates at the edge of his property. He’s confidently telling them to move along because his armed sons are casually standing some distance behind him as backshooters. The Bible is unequivocal: children are blessings and assets.

I then spent the rest of the lecture explaining to my children how they are assets to each other. These will be the godparents to your kids, the friends you call for advice, the investors in your business, and the people you rely on to help you move furniture. Your sibling might be your future lawyer or plumber. This is a practical reason to stay close to and be nice to your siblings. Be careful with your words; you don’t want to say things now that destroy your future relationship.

Today, nepotism has become a bad word; but historically, your family was your network.

Your siblings can be critical connections for job opportunities too. At that time, my two oldest daughters had expressed an interest in being Catholic school teachers. I laid out for them how the oldest could help her younger sister get a job at the same school. I mentioned very basic things, like having her sister come by for an event or connecting her to a student teaching position. In short, she could take the steps necessary for her little sister to be first in mind for hiring when a spot opened up.

Siblings should not just be someone you see at Thanksgiving or (if you are fortunate) share an inheritance with. This concept applies, of course, outside of student teaching. We need to think of each other as assets—primarily as assets that generate joy but even as helpers in labor, or careers, or business. Your sibling is not someone who deprives you of parental attention or money. They are assets, and these kids encouraged me to write an article about this idea.